Fajrul Azmi Syahputra's Blog

Since defeating the most evil wizard of our time, Harry Potter went on to become an auror for the Ministry of Magic. But he straight up killed the most evil wizard of our time, so it's not like that job is actually interesting or fulfilling. In fact, in recent years, it's become clear to Harry Potter that he no longer has anything to offer the world. His purpose is fulfilled and now no one really thinks of him anymore. Here are a few activities he's taken up trying to fill the hole this realization has carved out of him.

Doing what every athlete who was a star in school but not quite good enough to go pro does, Harry started coaching his son's Quidditch team. Most of the practices, though, consist of Harry "demonstrating" plays while the kids sit and watch. Their first game was literally the first time any of them had gotten on the field, and even then he wanted to get out on the field to show that that snitch was going so slow that he could "catch catch it with his mouth for christ's sake." When the ref tried to stop him, he started shouting "I'm the Chosen One! I'm the Chosen One!" and flailed around on the ground. angrily crying.

Harry finds a lot of joy in taking in stray cats, but since he only knows how to name things after people who died, they all have have long cumbersome names, like Remus Fred Weasley and Barty Crouch Junior Colin Creevey.

After being so close to being the Chosen One, Neville developed a pretty serious inferiority complex. Once Harry picked up on that, he realized that Neville would do anything he told him to. They spend hours each evening eating ants or spitting on his own robes. Now it's just about finding what Neville's limit is. Finding the one rule he won't break. And then, Harry's going to make him break that rule.

"Being on Twitter is a pretty big deal, right? They don't just let anyone get on twitter, right?" Harry Potter assumes.

Harry really wanted a venue to explain, in detail, how he saved the world and no one else helped. While many publishers had expressed interest in the book but because Hogwarts was too busy teaching kids how to breathe underwater and turn a cat into a clownfish, the manuscripts Harry turned in were absolutely unreadable.

In an attempt to make himself newsworthy again, Harry made multiple attempts to become the first wizard to ever "eat magic". He's Expelliarmused his teeth all over the place, and even after that no one is sure what exactly it means to "eat magic".

If only Harry could realize that reliving his glory days is not worth this. Nothing is worth this.

What are you going to do after you've conquer the biggest challenge you'll ever face in your life? Let us know in the comments!